When Was the Last Time You Had Fun? Reconnecting With Joy in Motherhood.

Let me ask you a simple question - when was the last time you had fun? And no, I don’t mean fun in the “I got to drink my coffee hot” kind of way. I mean real, belly-laughing, completely-lose-yourself-in-the-moment fun. The kind of joy that makes you forget about the laundry, the snack requests, and the muuuum! that echoes through your house at least 472 times a day.

If you had to stop and think about it, don’t worry you’re not alone. I’ve been there more times than I care to admit.

Motherhood has a sneaky way of convincing us that joy is something we’ll get to later. Once the kids are a little older. Once the house is clean. Once the to-do list is checked off (which, let’s be honest, will never happen). But later keeps moving further away, and before you know it you wake up one day and realise you can’t even remember what you enjoy anymore.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

And if you’re not sure where to start, just look at your kids. They are masters of fun and they’ve been some of my best teachers when it comes to embracing joy - including teaching us to embrace dress-ups. Just take a look at this pic of Lee and me below, ha! We went all in on a rock-themed party last year, and it reminded us just how good it feels to play.

But more on that soon…

Losing Joy in the Chaos of Motherhood

I love my five boys more than anything, but raising them is chaos. Beautiful, messy, non-stop chaos. My days are a blur of refereeing fights, stepping on LEGO, answering endless “Would you rather?” questions, and negotiating snack treaties like I’m at a UN summit.

Somewhere along the way I became Mum, the organiser, the fixer, the feeder, the finder of lost shoes. And while I adore being their mum, I realised I’d misplaced a huge part of myself. The me who used to stay up all night writing just because I loved it. The me who blasted music and danced like a lunatic in the kitchen. The me who didn’t take everything so seriously.

I don’t think it happened all at once. It was gradual, like the way your favourite comfy T-shirt eventually turns into a rag you use to clean the windows. One day I woke up and realised I was running on autopilot, so focused on making sure everyone else was happy that I forgot to ask myself if I was.

And a joyless mum is no fun for anyone.

The Wake-Up Call: Realising I Needed Fun Again

One day in the middle of a particularly exhausting afternoon, one of my boys asked me to come outside and go for a swim with him. My instinct was to say no - there was dinner to make, emails to answer, and a mountain of laundry that could legally be classified as a hazard zone. But something in me hesitated.

I said yes.

And you know what? We had a beautiful afternoon filled with proper belly laughs. For a little while I just existed in the moment. And it hit me - this is what’s been missing. Not productivity, not efficiency, but pure, unfiltered fun.

I realised that my kids weren’t the ones keeping me from joy - I was. I had somehow convinced myself that motherhood meant setting fun aside in favour of responsibility. That play was for them and not for me.

What a load of crap.

Fun Isn’t Just for the Kids—You Deserve It Too

Kids are masters of fun. They don’t overthink it. They don’t worry if they look silly. They just do it.

My youngest boy is obsessed with dress-ups. Superheroes, doctors, pirates - you name it, he’s got a costume for it. He doesn’t need an occasion; he just embraces the joy of transforming into someone else, fully committing to the new role.

And I realised something: why do we stop doing that as adults?

We used to play dress-up too, remember? We used to do things just for the fun of it, not because they served a purpose. And somewhere along the way we convinced ourselves that fun needed a reason.

Last year Lee and I were reminded just how wrong that thinking is. We went to a mate’s rock-themed dress-up party, and let me tell you - we WENT FOR IT. Hair, outfits, accessories - a full-blown commitment to the theme. And you know what? It was the most fun we’d had in ages.

It made us realise how much we’d been missing that kind of playful energy in our lives. So we made a conscious effort to bring more fun into our relationship. Not just with the kids, but for us, as a couple, as two people who love to laugh and be ridiculous together.

And that’s something I want to pass on to you: Fun isn’t just for your kids. You’re allowed to have fun that’s just for you, too.

How to Start Reconnecting With Fun (Even When You Feel Too Busy)

If you’re reading this and thinking, That sounds great, but I don’t have time for fun, I hear you. But I encourage you to consider this: fun isn’t something you have to earn, it’s something you have to choose.

Here’s how I started shifting my mindset and inviting more joy back into my life:

1..Remember What Used to Light You Up

What did you love doing before life got so serious? Painting? Dancing? Singing in the car like you were headlining a concert? Think back to the things that made you feel alive, no matter how silly or small.

2. Do Something Playful - Every Day!

I’m not saying you have to take up circus acrobatics (unless you want to, in which case go you!). But bringing small moments of play into your day makes a huge difference.

Jump on the trampoline. Race your kid to the car. Draw with chalk on the driveway. Try something just for the hell of it.

The best part? You don’t have to be good at it. This isn’t about achievement, it’s about enjoyment.

HINT: If you’re looking for a go-to guide for happiness hacks that can be weaved into your day without the headache of having to think them up, check out my book Happiness Hacks for Mothers here.

3. Let Go of the “Shoulds”

One of the biggest barriers to fun is guilt. The voice that says, You should be folding laundry instead of dancing around the kitchen.

Here’s a wild idea - screw the shoulds.

Your kids don’t need a mum who’s constantly busy. They need a mum who’s alive, engaged, and enjoying life. The laundry will still be there (unfortunately), but these moments of joy? They’re fleeting.

4. Invite Your Kids Into It

Some of the best fun I’ve had has been with my kids… not as their organiser or supervisor, but as their playmate.

Let them teach you how to play their favourite video game. Build a fort and hang out inside it. Make a ridiculous TikTok dance together. When they see you embracing fun, they’ll learn that adulthood isn’t just about stress and responsibility - it can be fun too.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Just Be

I think we forget that we’re allowed to enjoy life, even in the midst of chaos. Motherhood is full-on, but joy doesn’t have to be a later thing. It can be a now thing.

Give yourself permission to find fun in the everyday. Laugh at the ridiculousness of life. Let go of the pressure to be productive every minute of the day. Be silly, be playful, be you.

Because you - not just Mum, but you - deserve joy too.

Final Thoughts: Joy Is ALWAYS Within Reach

Mama I know life is busy. I know you feel stretched thin. But fun isn’t another thing to add to your to-do list - it’s a mindset shift. It’s allowing yourself to exist in the moment without worrying about the next five things you should be doing.

You don’t have to go on a fancy retreat or book an expensive hobby class to find joy. Sometimes it’s as simple as being silly or dancing in the kitchen.

So, I’ll ask you again - when was the last time you had fun?

If you can’t remember, let’s change that. Start today. Start small. Just start.

Because joy isn’t something we lose in motherhood, it’s something we reclaim.

With love and a whole lot of fun, Tess Xx